1 Peter 3:1-4
"Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the
word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and
reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self,
the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."
My husband and I have been married for nine years and the beginning of our marriage was all but easy. Jason and I both came to the table with enough baggage to fill a Boeing 747. I might have
claimed at the time that my baggage was fine leather Gucci while his was only a brown paper sack, yet baggage is baggage no matter how fine or fancy the leather and it all needed to be sifted through.
You see, I had simply married a maverick and I thought that I could be the one to change him. I walked into this marriage thinking, what I believe a lot of women think, and that is I can be the “conviction” he needs to experience in order to get his life straight. I could lend the Holy Spirit a hand and POOF… just like that he would be changed forever. Before I go any further, how do you think that theory worked out for me? Yea, just like you would imagine… it didn’t.
Very quickly into the marriage my plan started to backfire and my husband began to naturally rebel against my controlling behavior. It took me two years with this child-like conduct until I forfeited and
turned to God for His approach. Of course God led me to this oldie but goodie verse in first Peter chapter three and He kept gently reminding me of it until it seeped into the marrow of my own bones.
Only when I gave the Holy Spirit His job back and allowed Him to be in control of my husband, is when I saw my precious man falling at the foot of Christ, by his own choice. My prince was “won over
without words by the behavior of his princess “(vs. 2).
A while back, my husband dedicated a song to me and I believe it perfectly speaks from my man’s heart about the genuine gratitude he has for me loving him unconditionally the way God has designed it, even when he was hard to love at times. I had not always loved him the way God desired but now I do and I marvel at Jason’s ability to express how he sees me love him. Here is a video clip of the song and I believe you will hear your own man’s cry as he pours out his heart to his princess, who is steadfast to love him just like Jesus!
OH, did you ladies hear that last point in my illustration? If we could all get on board with allowing the Holy Spirit to be the one to convict our husbands and we lay aside our own need to control
them, I believe many marriages would be saved throughout the world. I went to a ladies Bible study this week filled with darling outfits, great snacks and lots of laughter. We had the chance to sit at a large, circular table with several married women and I heard the same thing confessed out of each vulnerable mouth. We all greatly desired to control our men and our own circumstances.
Proverbs 14:1 says “a wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” I believe that God had in mind for this verse, the wife who uses her beauty, emotions, words,
manipulation, power, sex, affection, children, position, or who could leave out the silent treatment, to gain what she wants from her husband. This is extremely dangerous behavior and is a platform used by the enemy to tear down marriages by using one woman’s hand at a time.
According to Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family, the divorce rate is still twice as high as it was in 1960. It is estimated that for couples marrying today, the lifetime probability of divorce or separation remains between 40 and 50 percent before one partner dies, although this percentage is significantly
lower for those who marry after age twenty-one, graduate college and are committed to God.
Hold onto your lower jaw as I report to you that one out of every two children in the United States will live in a single-parent family at some time before they reach the age of eighteen. In 2002 about twenty million American children lived in a household with only their mother or father. These sobering statistics bring great pain to my soul and grievance to the Spirit, as I am sure it does the same for you too. That is why it is essential to get on God’s program on how to behave in our marriages.
Peter reminds all wives to “submit themselves to their own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the
purity and reverence of your lives” (vs. 1-2). If the wife is a believer in Christ and her husband is not, then this marriage is what the bible calls “unequally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14). Your household will
experience strife and disagreement with no fellowship, there will be little harmony and commonality between the both of you
(2 Corinthians 6:14-16). Are you interested to know what God instructs the wife to do in this case? Does this give the wife the one opportunity to divorce her husband? God’s answer is, NO! Listen carefully to what Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:13-14, “If a woman has a husband who is NOT a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife… otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.” If a woman finds herself in this situation, God is advising you to stay in the marriage and submit to your husband. God will use your Christ-like behavior (grace, forgiveness, unconditional love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) to win over your husband and draw him to his knees. Another thing to consider are your children, the scripture tells us that if you divorce your unbelieving husband then your children are no longer clean and
holy. OUCH! That is a huge point that must not be overlooked! I encourage the women who are in this season to fight the good fight and to finish the race. Don’t give up beloved and take the easy road, there will be a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to you on that day (2 Timothy 4:7).
Are you like one of the women I mentioned earlier, who sat around the table and confessed their great desire to control their husbands? Do you use something to control him like manipulation, sex,
anger, or deceiving words? Did you know that in Proverbs 6:16 we are given a warning of the six things that the Lord HATES. One of the six is “a heart that devises wicked schemes.” Ladies, if we are
not careful, we are camping out in a territory that can crush us like a tennis shoe will crush an ant. Stay Strong and seek God's wisdom for your marriage!
Right from my heart,